Santa: What’s the name of ur car?

Santa: What’s the name of ur car?
Banta: I don’t know but it starts with "T"
Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te Petrol nal start hundi hai.

Teacher: Light Kitho Aandi Hai?

Teacher: Light Kitho Aandi Hai?
Pappu: Mere Nankeya De Gharon.
Teacher: Kinwe?
Pppu: Jado Light Jandi Hai Papa Kehndy ne ‘Saleya ne Pher cut ti.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"

Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale ko 2 thappad laga diye

Santa ne PCO pe jate hi PCO wale ko 2 thappad laga diye. Socho kyon?
Because PCO ke bahar likha tha, dial karne se pahle 2 lagaye...

Banta

Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya Wife?
Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!

Teacher: Asman me udne wali chiz ande deti hai

Teacher: Asman me udne wali chiz ande deti hai, jamin pe rahne wali bache deti hai. Kaun hai jo Asman me udti hai par bachche jamin par deti he?
Santa: Airhostess!

Banta: What's the similarity between Marriage

Banta: What's the similarity between Marriage and 11:59pm?
Santa: Dono k baad 12-bajte hain aur din badal jate hain.

Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.

Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.
Santa: Bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!
Santa: It's a gud News.
Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.

Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on d road

Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on d road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Banta: I'm learning car driving.
Inspector: Without d instructor?
Banta: Correspondence Course!

Dosti karo college wali se

Dosti karo college wali se, pyar karo office vali se, baatein karo pados wali se, ankh ladao sali se, love karo dilvali se, AUR MAR KHAO GHARVALI SE.

Feelin Bored? THINK OF ME

Feelin Bored? THINK OF ME
Feelin Sad? CALL ME
Feelin Lonely? VISIT ME
Feelin Horny? USE UR HANDS& ENJOY da ART of......SMSING ME!!!

Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai

Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai,
gamm ke saagar me is kadar kho gayi hai,
tum kar do ek SMS yeh gujarish hai meri,
tumari SMS ki adat si ho gayi hai.

Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.

Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.
Sagar se gahara koi nahi.
Aab aapki kya tarif karu...
Dost me aap jaisa...
Nalayak koi nahi!

Kya bindas hava chal rahi hai

[B]Kya bindas hava chal rahi hai, birdy gaana ga rahe hain,
Cow log grass eat rahe hain,
shaane log SMS kar rahe hain
aur dhakkan log SMS padh rahe hain[/B]

TUSI bade hi gr8 ho

TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!

Growing Up

My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn’t return home again until the February break.

When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. “Couldn’t you tell by your clothes that you’d grown?” I asked him.

“Since I’ve been doing my own laundry,” he replied, “I just figured everything had shrunk.”

Physics

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

“Why do we have to learn this stuff?” one young man blurted out.

“To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?”

The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued.

“Physics saves lives,” he said, “because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”

Insufficient Funds

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. “Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!”

“I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad.

“You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”

“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the state,” he said. “there must be some mistake.”

“I don’t think so,” she sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.”

Ways the Bible would be different

Ways the Bible would be different if written by college students….

Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.

The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.

New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.

Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.

Paul’s letter to the Romans becomes Paul’s e-mail to abuse@romans.gov.

Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.

The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.

Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.

Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

Rabbit in a butchers shop

A rabbit hops into a butchers’ shop and says “have you got any cabbages?”. The butcher says that he doesn’t sell cabbages and the rabbit hops off. The next day the same rabbit hops into the same butchers and says “have you got any cabbages?” The butcher, slightly peeved, says “look I told you yesterday - I’m a butcher, I don’t sell cabbages, now go away!” The rabbit hops off. The next day the rabbit hops into the butchers again and says “have you got any cabbages?” The butcher, really annoyed now, snaps “No I haven’t got any chuffin cabbages! If you come in here again asking for some cabbages I’m gonna nail your ears to the floor!” The rabbit is scared by this and quickly hops out the door. The next day the rabbit hops into the butchers and asks “have you got any nails?” The butcher replys “no”. The rabbit says “have you got any cabbages?”

Man with frog on head

A man with a frog on his head walks into the doctor’s office. The doctor asks, “What seems to be the problem?” And the Frog replies, “Well doctor… it’s this thing that’s hanging from my bottom.”

Seagulls have wings

Why do seagulls have wings?
To beat the Gypsies to the rubbish tip

Seasick elephant

What do you give a seasick elephant?
Lots of room!

Missouri Crazy Law

It is not illegal to speed. (Repealed)

Buckner
In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
Excelsior Springs
Worrying squirrels is not tolerated.

Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.

Kansas City
Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.

Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.

Marceline
Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.

Marquette
It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).

Mole
Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.

Natchez
It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.

Purdy
Dancing is strictly prohibited.

St. Louis
It’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets.

A milk man may not run while on duty.

University City
Four women may not rent an apartment together.

Second monkey fall out of tree

Why did the second money fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.

Third monkey fall out of tree

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was tied to the second monkey.

Two goats at a movie studio

Two goats are out behind a movie studio eating old movie film. One goat says to the other, “Pretty good, huh?” The second goat says, “Yeah… but it’s not as good as the book.”

Two fish in a tank

There’s two fish in a tank, one says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this?”

What’s got two legs and bleeds?

What’s got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.

There were two Parrots on a Perch

There were two Parrots on a Perch, and one says to the other, “Can you smell fish?”

Two sheep in a field, one says, “Baaaaaaaa!”

Two sheep in a field, one says, “Baaaaaaaa!”
The other says, “Damn! I was just going to say that!”

How does a Penguin find the weather at the Arctic?

How does a Penguin find the weather at the Arctic?
He just looks outside and there it is.

What’s grey, yellow,

What’s grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

SMS Forever

Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai,
gamm ke saagar me is kadar kho gayi hai,
tum kar do ek SMS yeh gujarish hai meri,
tumari SMS ki adat si ho gayi hai

What’s worse than a giraffe with a stiff neck?

What’s worse than a giraffe with a stiff neck?
An elephant with a stuffed nose.

Dost

Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.
Sagar se gahara koi nahi.
Aab aapki kya tarif karu…
Dost me aap jaisa…
Nalayak koi nahi!

Patthar

Door se dekha… to Patthar dikhta tha……
Door se dekha… to Patthar dikhta thaa…….
Paas jake dekha to… suchmuch Patthar hi tha..

Gum

Gum woh cheez hai …
Wah ! Kya dard hai !
Gum woh cheez hai …
Jisse paper chipkaya jaata hai..

Mandir

Mandir mein jaap karta hoon,
Masjid mein adaab karta hoon,
Insaan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun
isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon

Kiss Kiss

Kiss is not like Nokia…Connecting People
Kiss is not like Nike… Just Do It.
Kiss is not like Pepsi… Yeh Dil Maange More
But Kiss is like Pan Parag… Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga

Great 8

TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho…!

Rupa

agar rupa ki baniyan pahenoge
agar rupa ki baniyan pahenoge
agar rupa ki baniyan pahenoge
TO RUPA KYA PAHENEGE
hain